Jobu...he's a prick. He is who we blame for all the bad stuff that happens when camping. As long as you feed him and give him a little beer or rum he is OK. Ignore him and he gets rowdy. Jobu has may tricks at his disposal. This is a tale of one of them.
We had evidently grown complacent in out treatment of Jobu, so he tried to drown us. We arrived to a beautiful October day. First camping ritual is to drink a beer when you arrive to your site of choice. This usually helps to ease the pain of setup. After a beer or two we set up camp.
When it comes to tent placement, you want to choose where you set your tent carefully. Flat open areas are usually ideal. Close to the fire is also another choice. Me, I like high and flat. Next, is your dining canopy. You want to put that close to the main gathering area which will be your fire pit. We had our camp site set up.
There were six of us on this trip, Jerry, Kevin, Pete, Carl, Doug and myself. We had a great time that Friday night. The details of which seem to escape my memories. But I'm very certain we had a good time by the painful reminder I had Saturday morning.
Saturday dawned cold and gray. We cooked breakfast and washed it down with a healthy portion of Miller Lite. We went down to Apple Valley and hiked down to the big waterfall. A drunken stagger to the waterfall has become a rite of passage in the LOD. It has affectionately become known as a "Death March." Good times as long as you don't bust your ass or more importantly spill your beer. As we made the journey back it started to sprinkle.
We arrived back at camp to a nice light but steady rain. We arranged coolers and all gathered as close to the center of the dining canopy as we possibly could. This was hampered a bit by the huge ancient spool that used to reside at out campsite. We had chosen to use it as a table and had placed it in the center of our old blue Wal-Mart canopy. We would later regret using this as a center support. The rain continued to come down. We heard thunder off in the distance but looking back I think it was Jobu laughing at what was to come.
As the rain came down we drank. Some of us took naps in between beers. I made spitballs from a news paper that someone brought up and fired them from the spud gun. Later as the rain continued to come down we learned that our center pole arrangement for the dining canopy encouraged the formation of pools of water at the dining canopy's corners. I discovered that if you gently nudged the corner pole when someone is walking under it it would dump 2 gallons of cold wather right on their unsuspecting heads. This kept me amused for hours.
The steady rain was taking a toll on our fire. At this point in our camping careers, we had yet to make a really huge fire. In an effort to protect our sacred camping flame we made a cover from an old truck fender. The truck parts had been laying there since Jobu struck the vehicle dead back in the early 20's. We arraigned the parts into a crude fireplace. But the rain was too steady and the wood to wet to light. So we turned a can of Coleman fuel on its side and put the spout through a crack in the fender. What was left of the fire was enough to warm the fuel and create a small gas flame to give us some heat.
The rain kept coming. Day turned to night.
We rallied our spirits. Jobu was not going to beat us. Not us! No Sir! We lit up our lanterns and surrounded ourselves in the warm glow and heat of white gas love. As our hats became soaked we dried them on top of the lanterns. If you should ever try this technique one word of advise. Let your cap cool before you put it on. I have a scar on the top of my head from the hot button in the middle.
Eventually we ran out of beer and staggered off to the tents. I discovered I had a leak in my tent. It had formed a small pool at one end. I carefully positioned my air mattress where it would not be under any drips and settled into my sleeping bag for a fitful nights sleep. I had placed my tent on high ground. It turned out that Jobu really didn't like this and he has reminded me of it on just about every camping trip since.
During the night the rain got harder. We woke to a pond were the fire pit had been. Bottles and cans were floating down a small stream that ran though the middle of our camp.
Kevin's tent had made an attempt to stop a newly formed feeder creek to Walnut Fork. He even built a small earthen dam around it. But the during the night the water breached it and came rushing in.
Pete had dreams of white water rafting. He woke up to find himself floating on his air mattress in 8 inches of water.
Doug and Carl did not sleep well either. Due to the placement of their tent and the force of the water running through it an eddie had formed. They spent the night in a swirling mass of unholy wrath.
As we emerged looking like shipwreck victims from out tents Jobu turned the water up from "Soak" to "Holy Hell! Turn off that f*****g fire hose you asshat!"
No one said a word to each other. We just started the trucks and cars and began shoving things in them. Wet tents went in coolers. 400 pound soaked sleeping bags were shoved in trunks. I wadded up the dining canopy and crammed it in the back of the Beast. Camp was broken down in record time. We all said "Bye," waved our extended middle fingers at the clouds, and began our trek home.
As soon as we were about an hour away from camp...the sky cleared. and right there in front of me was a big puffy white cloud that looked like an extended middle finger. Jobu didn't like us to much it seems.
After this trip I bought an new tent. I also bought a huge tarp it was always over my tent from then on. I also vowed never to have a fire drown from rain. And so far none have. We also began setting up our tents on high ground. Now the only thing that goes near the fire pit is the kitchen set up. And a pile of wood that would heat the average sized home through the worst winter ever.
Thanks for the lesson Jobu. You'll have to try better next time. You're still a prick though.
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